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The Blair Bitch Project

Tue, Jan 29

Reported by Willow S.

Imagine my surprise when I came across a book with that title. It’s a book of bitchy poetry with the protagonist calling herself Blair. I wouldn’t be surprised if the author was none other than Blair Waldorf herself. Good thing I found out the author’s actual name was Chinie Hidalgo. Here, I wuld like to share two snippets from the book that might actually interest GG fans.

Something that Blair might tell Jenny:

Nouveau Rich Bitch

It takes a certain caliber
Of person to achieve
The kind of bitchy status
People see fit to believe.

I’m sorry you don’t make the grade,
You’ll never be a bitch.
For one, you’re not that witty;
Number two, you’re nouveau rich.

You can’t make caustic comments
And expect them to ring true
When the person that you criticize
Is better dressed than you.

And if you’re planning to attempt
At dry and subtle wit,
Then brush up on the diction first
Or else admit “defitt.”

You see, it’s very simple, dear.
A bitch should have it all.
And there are things, like breeding,
That you can’t buy at the mall.

So give it up while you’re ahead,
Your efforts make me scoff.
You try too hard, just stop before
You really piss me off.

And here’s a little something that she might tell Dan and Serena (no offense to the fans). It something that a lot of watchers would like to tell them (especially lately), coz even through they’re pretty… PDA is not a pretty sight:

Please, Get A Room

It’s always good to know a friend
Has finally found the one,
And so we’re here to check it out
And have a night of fun.

I see he’s quite affectionate
Well, that’s a charming trait
But could you unlock lips a while?
I’m sure that stuff can wait.

I must inform you, no one wants
To see you making out
It’s bad enough you’re sloppy…
It’s worse that you’re both stout!

So quit the porn audition, cos
You guys just don’t look hot.
If you were gorgeous, maybe,
But you see… you’re kind of… not.

Hey look, we know that you’re in love,
It’s obvious from your bloom
But do the world a favor, guys,
And please… just get a room.

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